Dear Wedding Blogger,
I know, you have opinions. On who wore what. As a wedding blogger, wedding fashion is a major chunk of what you’re expected to be an expert on. Granted, you may be one too. You spend hours every week combing through every single image of bridal wear that’s out there on the Internet. You look at pictures of brides shared by wedding photographers. You go through pictures of new collections by the biggest, and smallest, designers in those press releases that bombard your email every day. You spend hours curating a best of what to buy list, going through 35 e-commerce websites. You attend fashion shows, launch events, wedding exhibitions. You’ve put in your sweat, blood and tears learning everything there is to know about wedding fashion. Goddamnit, you’re an expert.
YES. YOU. ARE. No one is questioning that.
But does that mean you are granted a free pass to write a scathing review of what a bride wore to her OWN wedding?
Just because she’s a celebrity?
On any given day, you receive 10 submissions of weddings wanting to be featured on your blog. You like 3, and call those photographers to get details for your posts. Who designed the bride’s lehenga, where was her jewellery from, who did her makeup – the usual.
What about the other 7 weddings? You…didn’t really like anything about them. So you archive (ok, delete) those submissions and never think about them again. Maybe you say to yourself “Eh, I don’t like that fishtail lehenga style at all” or you’re worse and think, “Wow, that’s one terrible lehenga. I can’t believe she wore that.”
But do you go and tell the bride that? Do you even tell the photographer who has submitted that wedding?
And do you put a post together on it, informing her and the whole world, exactly what your opinion is on that bride’s outfit just because you feel the whole world will benefit from your great expert opinion?
No…right?
You don’t do that.
Why?
It’s not nice is what it is. Even if you didn’t like her outfit, SHE did. She thought she’s never looked more beautiful, her family was in tears when they looked at her. So much time was spent looking for, and finalising, that perfect outfit for her. She tried on 35, maybe even a hundred dresses before she found “the one”. Tens of thousands of rupees, or even lakhs, were spent on that outfit. The best makeup artist they could afford was booked. Precious jewellery was handed down from the frail grandmother. Matching accessories and real jewellery was bought. The best “candid” photographer in their budget was called to capture those few fleeting moments that took months of preparation and decades of saving money to create. It was a special day, and some of life’s best memories were made in that one week. A daughter and sister, became a wife and daughter-in-law. Life changed, for everyone involved in the celebration. It was a monumental milestone, and happy stories about this moment will be shared amongst family and friends for decades to come.
And then you walk in, with your weddings-bloggers-must-have-opinions-and-give-reality-checks attitude and say – Aunty, yeh sab toh theek hai, but why did she begin her new life in that lehenga? It was positively ghastly!
Obviously, you’re smart. You get this.
That’s why you wouldn’t do it. That’s why you will keep your opinion to yourself, as hard as it may be, and just put those 7 wedding submissions aside. You’ll forget about them. Somebody got married. They had a good day. So you personally didn’t like what the bride wore. Whatever. Nobody cares. Your readers don’t need to know, and neither does the bride. Chapter closed.
So why is it, then, when it comes to Celebrity Weddings, you just can’t seem to keep your mouth shut?
Did the bride ask for your opinion? She, in all likelihood, did not even submit her wedding to you. But no, “She’s a celebrity”. Her husband is a celebrity. Someone in the family is a celebrity. So you must feature it on your blog. Good for traffic, RIGHT? And that wonderful “Well, I run a wedding blog and people expect to see Celebrity Weddings here” excuse.
Huh.
So because she is a celebrity, what she wore to her wedding is up for public debate.
Websites, blogs, newspapers and magazines that cover Bollywood, Fashion, Lifestyle and Entertainment – they’re all going to have an opinion about it and they’re going to say it. Fine. They’re going to comment on what the wedding guests wore. They won’t leave any stone unturned.
But YOU! You’re a wedding blogger! You cover weddings every single day. You know exactly how much thought and effort has gone into planning that one wedding. You know the emotions everyone is going through, you know and understand very well the sensitivity with which the event needs to be handled. If you, of all people, start going around saying mean things about what the bride wore, and what she chose for her decor and theme, and her hairstyle that you didn’t think was good enough – what can we expect from the rest of the publications?
COME, ON! She is still a bride. Yes, she’s a celebrity bride. But that doesn’t mean her day is any less special to her. It doesn’t mean her sartorial choices are open to public debate. She didn’t ask for that. As if it isn’t enough that what she wore on the red carpet, and on her way to the gym, and birthday celebration is mercilessly scrutinised, now she has to listen to you rip apart what she chose to wear and how she chose to decorate the one event in her life which she hopes will never come again? YES! She wants to get married just once too. Just like you and me. There are no second chances for her at this. It’s a once in a lifetime event. What she wore to her wedding, is going to remain that – what she wore to her wedding. There’s no learning curve where one fine day you will find a publication put up an article “Karuna Roy’s fashion evolution through the years – as a bride!” and where the writer will opine, “It looks like she’s finally found her fashion sensibility as a Vintage Bride. We can’t wait to see what she wears to her next wedding!” It’s not the same, you guys. There is no second chance (well, mostly). She wore what she wore. It was beyond special to her. And now she has to read on the Internet how one slightly famous wedding blogger absolutely detested what she wore on her own wedding day. Sure, as celebrities, or part of celebrity families, they have been taught over and over again that they need to have a thick skin. Fine, that’s for her to learn. But why do you have to teach her that lesson? Do you really want to be one of those people? From whom she needs to be mentally protected? Do you want someone to need protection, from your words? For something related to their choice of wedding outfit? Have we really stooped so low? Are we really that mean now? So insensitive? She’s still a bride! Can’t you understand?
And I know how blogs work, ok? You can decide what you want to write about, and what you don’t. You can choose which weddings to feature, and which ones not to. You have 100% control over which elements of the wedding to talk about. I know that. So how about we all grow up a little, huh? It’s time. She is a BRIDE. And don’t you dare say shit about her wedding. Or so help me God, I will find your wedding pictures, and tell you exactly what I thought about it. Ooooh yeah. I will go there. So just, don’t. Stop it. Grow up. Find another pretty wedding to distract yourself with.
Shinjini Amitabh Chawla 