On Marriage | Does Your Husband Help at Home?

5 thoughts on “On Marriage | Does Your Husband Help at Home?”

  1. Yes he does help surely. We have been married for last one year exactly and there has never been a time when managing home or doing household work was considered my responsibility solely.
    We work together without gender roles- be it cooking, dusting, grocery shopping or anything else for that matter.
    Thanks Shinjini for introducing this chapter cause till wedding it’s all fancy; what comes later is the truth. I appreciate your initiative!!
    Happy to share 🙂

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  2. I believe it takes a little bit of training to bring your husband to do chores. In my case, i live with my in-laws and thank god they are very supportive of my career. But the thing is my mother in law was and is a homemaker so my husband was used to her doing even little things for him – for which i had to train him a little to do it on his own which were earlier magically done by my MIL- little things such as putting the clothes which come from the laundry into their right place in the cupboard, put his soiled dishes from the dinning table to the kitchen sink (ya i know its basic, but earlier the dishes also used to magically disappear), pour his own juice/nimbu pani from the fridge before going or after coming from office etc. He is uncomfortable in helping with the kitchen chores but frankly its fine if i don’t push him into it- coz we have appointed a cook who cooks both the major meals so its not too much work for me also and also my mother in law is always there to help, in fact she only does the major cooking in absence of the cook.(Touch wood) She is very sweet and understands that since i work full time its difficult for me to do everything for her son which she used to. Been married for 5 months now :).

    I believe with changing times more and more mother in laws have become understanding towards working daughter in laws and are fine with it and are willing to compromising certain things (like replacing handmade achars/papads etc. with store bought ones, appointing a cook against self cooking, daughter in law being absent for certain afternoon events etc…). However, there are very few who are comfortable with their daughter in law continuing to pursue their career post a child and that’s where the major disconnect lies.

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  3. My husband doesn’t help with the major household chores like cooking and cleaning, but he doesn’t insist I do the chores either. The main reason for this arrangement being his long working hours where as mine is not a high pressure job like his. There are days when I don’t have the energy to cook or don’t want to cook for that matter, we just order some Chinese and call it a day. Also, my husband doesn’t complain or find fault in what I do, instead he makes it a point to appreciate all the hard work I put in around the house. There are some chores that my husband loves to do though, like laundry, I just let him do his thing and not interfere. It’s a fine balance for us.

    I have been brought in a household that values independence. My mom had a hectic job, and my dad used to help around the house quite a lot and that includes, getting me ready for school to packing my lunch. It’s a fine balance of my parents too. I had high expectations when I got married, soon to realise that all relationships don’t work the same way.

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  4. There is a basic rule in our household that helps us navigate the day to day stuff (both of us work fulltime) – the one who cooks does not clean. I am happy with this.

    However, there is some social conditioning at play here – I seem to have assumed ownership of the kitchen (without being asked) and for eg take responsibility for keeping it well-stocked, ensure we eat nutritously etc. This uses up a lot of my energy and I feel there are better ways that my time could be used. But I also feel guilty if I neglect these responsibilities. So this is something I need to get better at.

    Because of this assumed responsibilty and because he has longer working hours, the split is more 60/40 split but I am not too upset about this – I’d rather not do any housework but that’s not an option- so at least he helps when he can and my contributions in the home are not taken for granted.

    I think it helps if both parties recognise that neither party is obligated to do housework. This may not be so easy in a joint family set-up where there are multiple parties with multiple expectations.

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  5. Feminism is believing in equality. I really hope people listen/read at least the definition of feminism before proclaiming themselves not to be a feminist. It really harms the cause of feminism when women and men say they are not feminists though they actually believe in the same things. The view of feminism being this rabid, violent, man-hating phenomenon is really a construct propounded by those who want to see it fail. I would recommend listening to or reading the works of Gloria Steinem. She explains it all really well and not in an academic way.

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